Thursday, May 5, 2016

My 8-step Plan for Seed-Starting Failure

  1. I start four flats of various seeds and place them in my nifty little portable greenhouse that was a Mother's Day gift two years ago (the year I otherwise would have quit trying to plant my own seeds except then the kids and Jesse got me this greenhouse and I felt guilty so I kept on)
  2. Half the seeds sprout, half do not.
  3. Once the sprouts have outgrown their starter pots, I transplant the plants and re-sow the flats with another round of seeds, hoping for a better outcome.
  4. Half of the transplanted plants shrivel up and die.
  5. I repeat steps two through four at least once, maybe twice, to ensure maximum frustration levels are reached
  6. One (or more) of the following happens:
    • I forget to water the surviving plants
    • the wind blows over my portable greenhouse one nice breezy day when I'm at work
    • I forget to bring the greenhouse back inside one night and everything freezes
    • I leave the cover zipped up on an especially warm and sunny spring day and everything bakes to death.
  7. If, by chance anything has survived all of this, I plant it in the garden and it dies approximately three days later.
  8. I go to the greenhouse and buy plants to put in the garden and they do just fine.

Well, I've had it.  I've followed my 8-step plan pretty perfectly for the last several years, always thinking that one of these times I'm going to get it right.  Yesterday was the day I came home to this - Step 6 in action:
So I am done.  Done with seeds.  The only seeds I want to see now are the ones I'm eating from the vegetables I've grown in my garden from greenhouse-purchased plants.  I'll be seeing you soon, Forevergreen Greenhouse staff!

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